1 00:00:00,957 --> 00:00:02,872 Warning. 2 00:00:02,872 --> 00:00:04,613 The following program contains really coarse language, weed, 3 00:00:04,613 --> 00:00:08,312 alcohol consumption, smoking, and sexual inferences. 4 00:00:08,312 --> 00:00:11,750 This content may not be suitable for viewers under 18. 5 00:00:11,750 --> 00:00:14,057 To activate parental controls, please press 6 00:00:14,057 --> 00:00:16,712 the go yourself button on your remote control. 7 00:00:28,724 --> 00:00:30,421 Maybe I got a combustion. 8 00:00:30,421 --> 00:00:31,944 I got blurry vision sometimes. 9 00:00:33,337 --> 00:00:35,209 It's, you don't have combustion, Ricky. 10 00:00:35,209 --> 00:00:37,559 Well, you do, but that's down in a different area. 11 00:00:38,386 --> 00:00:39,865 - Yeah, that's.. 12 00:00:39,865 --> 00:00:41,041 - He's got combustion all right. 13 00:00:41,041 --> 00:00:42,825 Down in his arse region. 14 00:00:44,914 --> 00:00:46,829 Y'know what, 15 00:00:46,829 --> 00:00:48,657 speaking of that, this is the most fucked up thing I heard. 16 00:00:48,657 --> 00:00:51,094 Someone told me at the Legion the other day. 17 00:00:51,094 --> 00:00:53,096 Fucking Terry, the bartender dude. 18 00:00:53,096 --> 00:00:53,966 - Yeah. 19 00:00:53,966 --> 00:00:55,794 What? 20 00:00:55,794 --> 00:00:58,319 - A blue whale's fart bubble is large enough to hold a what? 21 00:00:58,319 --> 00:00:59,494 Try to guess the animal. 22 00:00:59,494 --> 00:01:01,061 A blue whale's fart bubble? 23 00:01:01,061 --> 00:01:02,279 - Yeah. 24 00:01:02,279 --> 00:01:03,585 - Oh, that could hold a elephant. 25 00:01:04,716 --> 00:01:06,501 No. You got a guess? 26 00:01:06,501 --> 00:01:07,328 It couldn't? 27 00:01:07,328 --> 00:01:08,503 No, man. 28 00:01:08,503 --> 00:01:09,373 How about a German shepherd? 29 00:01:10,548 --> 00:01:12,463 - I think you're closer. You win. 30 00:01:12,463 --> 00:01:13,290 - All right. What is it? 31 00:01:13,290 --> 00:01:14,117 What is it? 32 00:01:14,117 --> 00:01:15,292 A horse. 33 00:01:15,292 --> 00:01:16,859 That's a big fart bubble, 34 00:01:16,859 --> 00:01:18,730 fuck I'd love to see one of those. 35 00:01:18,730 --> 00:01:20,384 Can you imagine-can you imagine if you're a a diver. 36 00:01:20,384 --> 00:01:22,125 That'd be awesome! 37 00:01:22,125 --> 00:01:23,126 And you all of a sudden one was coming up, 38 00:01:23,126 --> 00:01:24,127 then boom, it hit you. 39 00:01:24,127 --> 00:01:25,215 And you're in it. 40 00:01:25,215 --> 00:01:26,260 That'd be fucked. 41 00:01:26,260 --> 00:01:28,000 - Oh, you'd die. 42 00:01:28,000 --> 00:01:29,480 You'd die? 43 00:01:29,480 --> 00:01:31,047 - You couldn't live inside. Yes, you'd die. 44 00:01:31,047 --> 00:01:32,831 If you're in a blue whale fart bubble. 45 00:01:32,831 --> 00:01:33,658 What is it? 46 00:01:33,658 --> 00:01:35,486 - It's methane. 47 00:01:35,486 --> 00:01:37,532 Imagine if you could harness that and fuckin' sell it. 48 00:01:37,532 --> 00:01:40,100 You could probably burn your car with it. 49 00:01:40,100 --> 00:01:42,667 You could probably burn your car with it? 50 00:01:42,667 --> 00:01:44,539 I'll just tell you right outta the gate, Ricky, 51 00:01:44,539 --> 00:01:48,195 the logistics of that, you're not gonna get it worked out. 52 00:01:48,195 --> 00:01:50,066 Elon Musk could not work that out. 53 00:01:50,066 --> 00:01:52,590 - You just have to get a nice boat, follow them. 54 00:01:52,590 --> 00:01:56,072 And collect their fart bubbles and then sell them. 55 00:01:56,072 --> 00:01:58,074 Yeah, I guess it wouldn't be easy. 56 00:01:58,074 --> 00:01:59,597 That would not be easy, man. 57 00:01:59,597 --> 00:02:00,903 But is it worth a lot of money? 58 00:02:00,903 --> 00:02:02,078 Not really. 59 00:02:02,078 --> 00:02:03,601 It's probably not worth it. 60 00:02:03,601 --> 00:02:05,168 Much easier ways to get methane, Ricky. 61 00:02:05,168 --> 00:02:06,648 It's good for the environment though. 62 00:02:06,648 --> 00:02:09,477 Because isn't methane bad for the sky? 63 00:02:09,477 --> 00:02:10,869 Well, it is, 64 00:02:10,869 --> 00:02:12,741 It's bad. 65 00:02:12,741 --> 00:02:14,656 But you burning it in a car is not making it any better. 66 00:02:14,656 --> 00:02:15,787 It's not just people. It's the fucking blue whales too. 67 00:02:15,787 --> 00:02:17,267 - Well cows are the main 68 00:02:17,267 --> 00:02:19,617 Cow farts are the main thing 69 00:02:19,617 --> 00:02:21,532 ruining the fuckin ozone layer. 70 00:02:21,532 --> 00:02:23,055 Oh, man. 71 00:02:23,055 --> 00:02:24,056 I remember reading some of these last night 72 00:02:24,056 --> 00:02:25,623 when I was fucked. 73 00:02:25,623 --> 00:02:26,711 Some of these things are fucked up, man. 74 00:02:26,711 --> 00:02:27,886 Why? 75 00:02:27,886 --> 00:02:30,019 This was a while ago but... 76 00:02:30,019 --> 00:02:33,588 This Florida teen attacked her relatives at dinner table 77 00:02:33,588 --> 00:02:36,199 because they wouldn't give her any more tomatoes. 78 00:02:36,199 --> 00:02:37,722 She's like, I want some fuckin' tomatoes. 79 00:02:37,722 --> 00:02:39,594 Like, No, you've had enough darling. 80 00:02:39,594 --> 00:02:41,161 Isn't there a shortage on tomatoes or something now? 81 00:02:41,161 --> 00:02:42,988 I don't know but she fuckin' lost it. 82 00:02:42,988 --> 00:02:44,860 She threw something at her head and then she pulled a knife. 83 00:02:44,860 --> 00:02:46,514 She's like "Come on, gimme some fuckin' tomatoes." 84 00:02:46,514 --> 00:02:47,689 - What?! 85 00:02:47,689 --> 00:02:49,604 And then they kicked her- 86 00:02:49,604 --> 00:02:50,605 - Wow she's got-She needs to go see a psychiatrist. 87 00:02:50,605 --> 00:02:52,389 She's got mental- 88 00:02:52,389 --> 00:02:53,912 - People are fucked, man. People are fucked up these days. 89 00:02:53,912 --> 00:02:54,913 She's got mental health issues. 90 00:02:54,913 --> 00:02:56,393 Why are people- 91 00:02:56,393 --> 00:02:58,178 - She's pulling a knife on her grandparents 92 00:02:58,178 --> 00:02:59,875 - Why are people doing-what's- why are they doing that? 93 00:02:59,875 --> 00:03:00,702 - Maybe it's a tomato addiction. Maybe tomatoes to her 94 00:03:00,702 --> 00:03:01,877 are like heroin. 95 00:03:01,877 --> 00:03:03,052 No, it's all in the head. 96 00:03:03,052 --> 00:03:04,575 She's got it's, it's a, 97 00:03:04,575 --> 00:03:05,750 I think it's a whole bunch of things. It's- 98 00:03:05,750 --> 00:03:07,230 - Like video games and shit? 99 00:03:07,230 --> 00:03:09,319 Maybe that's probably a factor. 100 00:03:09,319 --> 00:03:11,191 But if you're pulling a knife, I mean, 101 00:03:11,191 --> 00:03:13,932 I've played every violent video game in the world. 102 00:03:13,932 --> 00:03:15,717 I'd never pull a knife on my grandmother 103 00:03:15,717 --> 00:03:17,153 for a fuckin' tomato. 104 00:03:17,153 --> 00:03:18,154 No there's no way. 105 00:03:18,154 --> 00:03:19,721 So it's, y'know- 106 00:03:19,721 --> 00:03:21,201 - I don't wanna pull my knife on anybody. 107 00:03:21,201 --> 00:03:23,072 No, I wouldn't pull a knife on anybody 108 00:03:23,072 --> 00:03:25,466 especially my grandmother over a fuckin' tomato. 109 00:03:25,466 --> 00:03:26,467 Listen gran! 110 00:03:26,467 --> 00:03:28,338 Okay. So I mean, 111 00:03:28,338 --> 00:03:30,079 if she went over and maybe punched her in the face, 112 00:03:30,079 --> 00:03:31,907 that's a lot better than you know. 113 00:03:31,907 --> 00:03:33,213 Well, how about just now 114 00:03:33,213 --> 00:03:34,997 Well, first. 115 00:03:34,997 --> 00:03:36,520 - First she threw a water bottle and hit her grandfather in 116 00:03:36,520 --> 00:03:38,261 the head, and then she threw cigarettes at- 117 00:03:38,261 --> 00:03:39,741 - Yeah, see, she's got mental issue. She needs help. 118 00:03:39,741 --> 00:03:41,133 She's fucked, she's just fucked up. 119 00:03:41,133 --> 00:03:42,439 - You can't be attacking your grandpa. 120 00:03:42,439 --> 00:03:44,267 You can't be attacking, y'know- 121 00:03:44,267 --> 00:03:47,270 - Even if they're starving her, she shouldn't be doing that. 122 00:03:47,270 --> 00:03:49,751 No, man, you should not be stabbing your grandpa. 123 00:03:49,751 --> 00:03:51,927 She did give her a tomato, Maybe two. 124 00:03:51,927 --> 00:03:53,755 I don't know how many it was. But it wasn't enough. 125 00:03:53,755 --> 00:03:54,799 Wasn't enough. 126 00:03:54,799 --> 00:03:55,974 That's... 127 00:03:55,974 --> 00:03:56,975 She's like "I need more." 128 00:03:56,975 --> 00:03:58,847 Fucked. 129 00:03:58,847 --> 00:04:00,414 But uh probably, She was eating other stuff too. 130 00:04:00,414 --> 00:04:02,503 I doubt she just had a plate of tomatoes. 131 00:04:02,503 --> 00:04:04,069 It is weird if I was a grandparent 132 00:04:04,069 --> 00:04:05,723 and my granddaughter was there, and she's like, 133 00:04:05,723 --> 00:04:06,724 "Can I have another tomato?" 134 00:04:06,724 --> 00:04:08,248 I wouldn't be like, 135 00:04:08,248 --> 00:04:09,771 "No, you're not having another fuckin' tomato. 136 00:04:09,771 --> 00:04:10,946 Who the fuck do you think you are?" 137 00:04:10,946 --> 00:04:12,469 Tomatoes are too expensive. 138 00:04:12,469 --> 00:04:13,514 - Like, how many fuckin' tomatoes do you need? 139 00:04:13,514 --> 00:04:15,342 Jesus Christ. 140 00:04:15,342 --> 00:04:17,300 I can't imagine acting like that, but no, you know. 141 00:04:17,300 --> 00:04:20,695 But doing it made me feel like maybe I could, I don't know. 142 00:04:20,695 --> 00:04:22,349 All right. I'm on the fence. 143 00:04:23,263 --> 00:04:24,481 Wow. 144 00:04:26,266 --> 00:04:27,354 He convinced himself that maybe he would do that. 145 00:04:27,354 --> 00:04:29,225 He would-yeah. 146 00:04:29,225 --> 00:04:30,792 That's, Yeah. Okay. 147 00:04:30,792 --> 00:04:32,228 I wouldn't pull a knife on someone for 148 00:04:32,228 --> 00:04:33,969 not giving me a tomato. But I, 149 00:04:33,969 --> 00:04:35,840 I may tell someone they weren't allowed to have any more 150 00:04:35,840 --> 00:04:39,191 tomatoes. They come into my house just like, you know, 151 00:04:39,191 --> 00:04:40,671 if I get a bag of chips and they take a couple chips, 152 00:04:40,671 --> 00:04:42,194 it's like, okay, that's fine. 153 00:04:42,194 --> 00:04:44,284 But I'll be keeping an eye on them. 154 00:04:44,284 --> 00:04:45,937 And if they start fuckin' taking two, I'm like, Okay, bud, 155 00:04:45,937 --> 00:04:47,374 I think you've had enough there. 156 00:04:47,374 --> 00:04:50,028 - And then if they asked you for more, Hey, 157 00:04:50,028 --> 00:04:51,552 can I have more chips? 158 00:04:51,552 --> 00:04:53,118 I think you've had enough. Yeah. 159 00:04:53,118 --> 00:04:54,642 See, it's not the grandparents' fault. 160 00:04:54,642 --> 00:04:56,208 I thought it could have been. It's not. 161 00:04:56,208 --> 00:04:58,559 It's her fault. She fuckin'- She's crazy. 162 00:04:58,559 --> 00:05:01,170 But it's the grandparents' fault. 163 00:05:01,170 --> 00:05:03,564 No, he said it's not their fault. 164 00:05:03,564 --> 00:05:05,392 Oh, it's not their fault. 165 00:05:05,392 --> 00:05:06,393 I thought when I read it, they could have been, 166 00:05:06,393 --> 00:05:08,003 pretty much his fault. 167 00:05:08,003 --> 00:05:09,004 - Ah fuck, I don't even want to think about it. 168 00:05:09,004 --> 00:05:09,483 It's just stupid, man. 169 00:05:15,097 --> 00:05:18,318 All right. Welcome back to Gettin' Learnt with Ricky. 170 00:05:18,318 --> 00:05:20,102 I, of course, am Ricky. 171 00:05:20,102 --> 00:05:22,147 And we're gonna get you learnt today on how to fuckin' 172 00:05:22,147 --> 00:05:23,975 save some money when you're getting baby shit. 173 00:05:23,975 --> 00:05:26,282 'Cause baby shit is fuckin' expensive, 174 00:05:26,282 --> 00:05:29,459 Let's suppose you gotta get a fuckin', a stroller. 175 00:05:32,201 --> 00:05:35,117 That could be fuckin' 80, 80 bucks. 176 00:05:38,381 --> 00:05:41,602 They need one of those little babysitter saucers. 177 00:05:41,602 --> 00:05:46,258 The B.S.S. will probably run you fuckin' 60 bucks. 178 00:05:49,131 --> 00:05:52,787 And one of the fuckin' jockey jumpers. 179 00:05:52,787 --> 00:05:55,920 What are the-the bouncy fuckin' things? Jockey jumper. 180 00:05:58,314 --> 00:06:01,839 And that's probably fuckin', let's say 40 bucks. 181 00:06:03,754 --> 00:06:06,540 So as you can see, fuckin' over 200 bucks. 182 00:06:08,150 --> 00:06:09,673 On baby shit. 183 00:06:09,673 --> 00:06:11,588 Now I'm gonna show you how to get the same 184 00:06:11,588 --> 00:06:15,418 fuckin' 200 bucks full of baby shit for about 7 to 10 bucks. 185 00:06:16,201 --> 00:06:17,202 Let's go. 186 00:06:19,857 --> 00:06:23,034 ♪ Schools, they can fuck off. 187 00:06:26,473 --> 00:06:28,257 ♪ I'm drunk and I'm high. 188 00:06:32,392 --> 00:06:34,829 How was that Bob, it fuckin' sucked didn't it? 189 00:06:34,829 --> 00:06:36,918 I told you I can't fuckin' sing. 190 00:06:36,918 --> 00:06:38,398 All right, today we're gonna get you learnt 191 00:06:38,398 --> 00:06:39,921 on how to build a fuckin' jockey jumper, 192 00:06:39,921 --> 00:06:42,358 a babysitter saucer, and a fuckin' stroller. 193 00:06:42,358 --> 00:06:44,142 But instead of building three fuckin' things, 194 00:06:44,142 --> 00:06:46,841 we're gonna make them all in-a-fucking-one. 195 00:06:46,841 --> 00:06:49,365 It's gonna cost less than 10 fuckin' dollars 196 00:06:49,365 --> 00:06:50,932 for all that shit so... 197 00:06:50,932 --> 00:06:52,803 Actually for mine, it's almost free. 198 00:06:52,803 --> 00:06:54,718 I had to buy some fuckin' wheels, but that's about it. 199 00:06:54,718 --> 00:06:58,983 So you wanna find one of these goddamn little laundry bucket 200 00:06:58,983 --> 00:07:01,159 basket, whatever the fuck they're called, 201 00:07:01,159 --> 00:07:03,074 I like the square ones. 202 00:07:03,074 --> 00:07:04,641 But you can use a fuckin' round one if you want to. 203 00:07:04,641 --> 00:07:06,251 The first thing you wanna do is there's 204 00:07:06,251 --> 00:07:07,688 a big fuckin' square here in the bottom. 205 00:07:09,167 --> 00:07:11,039 So we're gonna cut that the fuck outta there. 206 00:07:11,039 --> 00:07:12,606 So you can use a jigsaw or, it takes a bit longer, 207 00:07:12,606 --> 00:07:14,216 so I'm gonna try to use a circular saw. 208 00:07:14,216 --> 00:07:15,609 See how that fuckin' goes. 209 00:07:25,445 --> 00:07:27,098 You should be very, very fuckin' careful 210 00:07:27,098 --> 00:07:28,665 when you're doing this. It's very dangerous, 211 00:07:28,665 --> 00:07:30,450 especially when you take the guard off like that. 212 00:07:37,718 --> 00:07:38,545 Fuck! 213 00:07:40,329 --> 00:07:43,027 You should probably wear fuckin' safety glasses too. 214 00:07:43,027 --> 00:07:45,552 Agh-fuck's sakes. 215 00:07:45,552 --> 00:07:48,424 All right, once you got that fuckin' done, 216 00:07:50,818 --> 00:07:52,167 next thing you want to do, 217 00:07:53,951 --> 00:07:57,477 get two pieces of wood that are just about this long. 218 00:07:57,477 --> 00:07:59,566 Put some fuckin' wheels on them like that. 219 00:08:01,524 --> 00:08:04,092 We're gonna screw those motherfuckers right onto this thing. 220 00:08:04,092 --> 00:08:06,181 It's probably easier if you pre-drill this shit. 221 00:08:11,229 --> 00:08:13,797 All right. Get your little screwy-driver bit. 222 00:08:15,625 --> 00:08:19,847 'Cause fuck doing shit by hand it fuckin' sucks. 223 00:08:19,847 --> 00:08:23,807 Screw those the fuck in there. Fuckin' beautiful. 224 00:08:30,945 --> 00:08:32,076 Fuck off. 225 00:08:33,948 --> 00:08:35,819 Sometimes they'll be fuckin' little assholes 226 00:08:35,819 --> 00:08:37,299 and they won't do what you want them to fuckin' do. 227 00:08:37,299 --> 00:08:38,561 Get the fuck in there you little slut. 228 00:08:39,997 --> 00:08:42,434 All right, so there's the start of it. 229 00:08:42,434 --> 00:08:44,175 Fuckin' looking great. 230 00:08:44,175 --> 00:08:45,263 Put that aside. 231 00:08:46,830 --> 00:08:49,354 Now the next thing you want to do, 232 00:08:49,354 --> 00:08:50,747 get a fuckin' piece of wood. 233 00:08:52,575 --> 00:08:54,925 This was a fuckin' square or rectangle at one time, 234 00:08:54,925 --> 00:08:57,928 but cut it into a circle like this about this big. 235 00:08:57,928 --> 00:09:00,061 You wanna make sure that you line this little fuckin' 236 00:09:00,061 --> 00:09:01,236 hole up with this. 237 00:09:03,194 --> 00:09:04,892 Just like that. 238 00:09:04,892 --> 00:09:07,155 Cut that the fuck outta there. 239 00:09:07,155 --> 00:09:08,286 You end up with this. 240 00:09:09,679 --> 00:09:10,767 So now with this, 241 00:09:12,160 --> 00:09:13,335 you wanna put a bunch of shit on here 242 00:09:13,335 --> 00:09:15,206 that fuckin' kids can play with 243 00:09:15,206 --> 00:09:17,034 while you're leaving them to be babysit by the babysitter. 244 00:09:17,034 --> 00:09:18,732 You know, something like this might be fuckin' nice, 245 00:09:18,732 --> 00:09:21,169 so just screw that on there. 246 00:09:25,129 --> 00:09:27,741 That's fuckin' kind of cool. They can fuck with that. 247 00:09:29,046 --> 00:09:30,787 They like to make noise too, 248 00:09:30,787 --> 00:09:32,702 so you can put a little noise-making thing like this on. 249 00:09:38,708 --> 00:09:41,015 Now kids gonna want to fuckin' beat on that 250 00:09:41,015 --> 00:09:42,886 and make noise so 251 00:09:42,886 --> 00:09:44,714 You can find anything they can use as a drumstick. 252 00:09:44,714 --> 00:09:47,325 I found this in Bubble's Shed, so I'm gonna use that. 253 00:09:49,414 --> 00:09:51,591 I wanna drill a little hole to fuckin' 254 00:09:51,591 --> 00:09:52,809 be the holder for that? 255 00:10:07,955 --> 00:10:09,521 Fuck. Get in there you fuckin'- 256 00:10:19,836 --> 00:10:22,491 All right, so once you got that hole down there, 257 00:10:24,319 --> 00:10:27,191 see this is fuckin' starting to come together. 258 00:10:28,932 --> 00:10:31,195 This little fuckin' thing just sits in there like that. 259 00:10:32,980 --> 00:10:34,851 Maybe little baby wants to fuckin' make some noise. 260 00:10:36,897 --> 00:10:38,594 So that's pretty fuckin' awesome. 261 00:10:39,639 --> 00:10:40,814 The other thing you want, 262 00:10:40,814 --> 00:10:41,989 if you're gonna fuckin' make one 263 00:10:41,989 --> 00:10:43,643 of these babysitter saucers, 264 00:10:43,643 --> 00:10:45,166 baby might have to fuckin' eat. 265 00:10:45,166 --> 00:10:47,777 Put some little food trays out for him. 266 00:10:54,697 --> 00:10:57,657 All right, so once those are on there, 267 00:10:57,657 --> 00:11:00,224 you can fill them up with the different food groups: 268 00:11:01,661 --> 00:11:02,531 Potato. 269 00:11:04,098 --> 00:11:06,143 Get some of those fuckin' things in there. 270 00:11:07,884 --> 00:11:12,062 You definitely want the meats, a little beef jerky. 271 00:11:16,371 --> 00:11:19,722 And maybe the the noodle food group. 272 00:11:21,158 --> 00:11:22,943 Some of that flavored noodles in there. 273 00:11:26,555 --> 00:11:27,687 There you go. 274 00:11:27,687 --> 00:11:29,601 So enough fuckin' food to 275 00:11:29,601 --> 00:11:32,387 keep the baby happy for fuckin' hours right there. 276 00:11:32,387 --> 00:11:35,999 Some of that shit on there, just for flavor. 277 00:11:37,871 --> 00:11:40,700 All right, this is really fuckin' coming together here. 278 00:11:40,700 --> 00:11:42,614 But you can put all kinds of other shit on there too. 279 00:11:42,614 --> 00:11:44,878 Just stuff the babies wanna fuck with. Like, you know, 280 00:11:44,878 --> 00:11:46,357 they might wanna fuck with that. 281 00:11:46,357 --> 00:11:49,143 So there's a nice little thing to fuckin' 282 00:11:49,143 --> 00:11:50,535 grab and play with. 283 00:11:50,535 --> 00:11:52,102 Babies like to make noise. 284 00:11:52,102 --> 00:11:55,062 So, maybe put one of these on there. 285 00:11:58,326 --> 00:12:00,371 So now the baby can grab that like that and make all kinds 286 00:12:00,371 --> 00:12:02,286 of fuckin' noise. 287 00:12:02,286 --> 00:12:05,115 The other thing you wanna do is put one of those little, 288 00:12:05,115 --> 00:12:09,206 the air floaty, whatever the fuck- 289 00:12:09,206 --> 00:12:12,383 You know the thing that f-I'll just make one. 290 00:12:12,383 --> 00:12:13,210 Fuck! 291 00:12:16,170 --> 00:12:18,389 All right, You wanna take a piece of fuckin' 292 00:12:19,564 --> 00:12:20,914 coat hanger wire. 293 00:12:22,654 --> 00:12:23,786 Put that through there. 294 00:12:27,442 --> 00:12:30,053 What the fuck going on with this fuckin' thing? 295 00:12:32,360 --> 00:12:35,058 I used too long of a screw on the water bottle, I guess. 296 00:12:35,058 --> 00:12:37,452 So I'm gonna rip this the fuck off there? 297 00:12:41,630 --> 00:12:42,718 Fuck's sakes. 298 00:12:44,198 --> 00:12:49,116 That all goes back in, back in there. 299 00:12:57,167 --> 00:12:58,778 And you gotta be careful with these things 300 00:12:58,778 --> 00:13:00,214 'cause babies will fucking eat those 301 00:13:00,214 --> 00:13:01,519 and choke on the fucking things. Dangerous. 302 00:13:02,912 --> 00:13:05,262 All right, first question, CRX. 303 00:13:05,262 --> 00:13:07,090 Dear Julian, 304 00:13:07,090 --> 00:13:09,484 I've kinda lost track with my friends from the old days. 305 00:13:09,484 --> 00:13:12,356 Really all I do is hang out with my wife and daughter. 306 00:13:12,356 --> 00:13:13,923 Is that okay? 307 00:13:13,923 --> 00:13:16,447 CRX of course it's okay man. 308 00:13:16,447 --> 00:13:19,015 It's your fuckin', it's your wife and daughter. 309 00:13:19,015 --> 00:13:20,843 You know, 310 00:13:20,843 --> 00:13:22,671 one of these days I hope to have a wife and maybe some kids, 311 00:13:22,671 --> 00:13:24,629 daughter or son and believe I'm gonna be spending 312 00:13:24,629 --> 00:13:26,893 all my time with them. 313 00:13:26,893 --> 00:13:29,634 I mean, 'cause you know, well, I don't know about you, 314 00:13:29,634 --> 00:13:31,767 but I got friends like Ricky and they're really hard friends 315 00:13:31,767 --> 00:13:35,249 to have. So yes, spend time with your daughter, 316 00:13:35,249 --> 00:13:37,729 spend time with your fuckin' wife. Be happy. 317 00:13:37,729 --> 00:13:40,036 But this is what you should do maybe. 318 00:13:41,864 --> 00:13:43,039 Tell your friends you want to go away for the weekend 319 00:13:43,039 --> 00:13:44,954 in the woods. Once a year. 320 00:13:44,954 --> 00:13:46,826 Plan a trip like the main long weekend or something. 321 00:13:46,826 --> 00:13:49,437 Get all the boys together, three or four days in the woods, 322 00:13:49,437 --> 00:13:51,787 get drunk, high, take mushrooms, acid, 323 00:13:51,787 --> 00:13:53,310 do all that shit, man. 324 00:13:53,310 --> 00:13:55,225 Fuckin' tie one of your friends up and 325 00:13:55,225 --> 00:13:56,879 put markers 'n' shit all over him. 326 00:13:56,879 --> 00:13:58,446 You know, do all that shit, 327 00:13:58,446 --> 00:13:59,926 all the boys kind of, kind of things. 328 00:13:59,926 --> 00:14:02,363 Do that once a year, you'll be happy. 329 00:14:02,363 --> 00:14:04,234 Your friends will be happy, 330 00:14:04,234 --> 00:14:05,845 Your wife will be happy that you're not in Vegas somewhere 331 00:14:05,845 --> 00:14:07,759 banging a bunch of prostitutes and shit. 332 00:14:07,759 --> 00:14:10,545 There's no way you can cheat on her. It'll be gold, man. 333 00:14:10,545 --> 00:14:12,547 Best thing you can do for your relationship. 334 00:14:13,983 --> 00:14:16,333 Okay, Cancain. 335 00:14:17,769 --> 00:14:20,250 Dear Julian, I'm a daily stoner and I live in 336 00:14:20,250 --> 00:14:22,818 a fucked-up country called Sweden. If you smoke here, 337 00:14:22,818 --> 00:14:24,864 you are considered a fuckin' junkie. 338 00:14:26,778 --> 00:14:28,302 This makes it pure hell to meet/date other people. 339 00:14:28,302 --> 00:14:29,869 Should I just give up the dope or just say 340 00:14:29,869 --> 00:14:31,740 fuck it and keep on going. 341 00:14:31,740 --> 00:14:34,961 Dude, you do live in a fucked-up country. 342 00:14:34,961 --> 00:14:36,527 I mean, 343 00:14:36,527 --> 00:14:37,702 it's not like you're shooting heroin or 344 00:14:37,702 --> 00:14:39,226 doing crack and shit man. 345 00:14:39,226 --> 00:14:41,228 Like fuck, keep smoking your dope. 346 00:14:41,228 --> 00:14:43,578 If that's what you like doing, keep doing it. 347 00:14:43,578 --> 00:14:46,842 Because once you do get in with a bunch of friends 348 00:14:46,842 --> 00:14:48,931 and maybe find a girlfriend 349 00:14:48,931 --> 00:14:51,629 or a boyfriend, whatever you like, 350 00:14:51,629 --> 00:14:54,241 and you start doing the dope and they all of a sudden. 351 00:14:54,241 --> 00:14:55,851 They look you and say, "Hey man, 352 00:14:55,851 --> 00:14:57,722 what the fuck you doing?" You know, 353 00:14:57,722 --> 00:14:59,550 it's not gonna be good for your relationship with your 354 00:14:59,550 --> 00:15:01,901 friend or with your boyfriend or your girlfriend, right? 355 00:15:01,901 --> 00:15:04,077 So just be yourself, man. 356 00:15:04,077 --> 00:15:05,948 Smoke the dope, Find new friends. 357 00:15:05,948 --> 00:15:08,559 Find people that are smoking dope. You'll be all good. 358 00:15:08,559 --> 00:15:10,605 All right, Kaptan Bear. 359 00:15:10,605 --> 00:15:12,433 Dear Julian, 360 00:15:12,433 --> 00:15:15,436 I was thinking about lifting weights to get in shape. 361 00:15:15,436 --> 00:15:17,525 What's your advice for a beginner like me? 362 00:15:19,309 --> 00:15:20,310 All right, man, it's good that you wanna lift weights. 363 00:15:20,310 --> 00:15:22,182 It's, it's a good thing. 364 00:15:22,182 --> 00:15:24,662 You know, it's, it's good to get into a daily routine, 365 00:15:24,662 --> 00:15:26,795 you know, get in shape, you'll feel better. 366 00:15:26,795 --> 00:15:28,101 This is what you gotta do. 367 00:15:28,101 --> 00:15:30,364 You gotta start off slow, man. 368 00:15:30,364 --> 00:15:32,583 Just do the basic exercises. Do, you know, 369 00:15:32,583 --> 00:15:34,455 if you don't have weights, you can do pushups, 370 00:15:34,455 --> 00:15:37,719 you can do pullups, find a tree, do pushups, you know, 371 00:15:37,719 --> 00:15:40,983 throw some fuckin' potatoes in a, in a bucket 372 00:15:40,983 --> 00:15:43,420 and curl them. You know, walk us some stairs, 373 00:15:43,420 --> 00:15:46,162 do all that shit, you know, do it that way. 374 00:15:46,162 --> 00:15:48,251 And if you do have money, 375 00:15:48,251 --> 00:15:51,733 I suggest maybe you do go to the gym or go from, you know, 376 00:15:51,733 --> 00:15:54,214 curling buckets of potatoes to going to the gym. 377 00:15:54,214 --> 00:15:56,129 Ask somebody there to help you out. 378 00:15:56,129 --> 00:15:58,958 Watch what the other people are doing. Get pumped up. 379 00:15:58,958 --> 00:16:01,134 But I got a bit of advice for you. 380 00:16:01,134 --> 00:16:04,920 The hardest part about working out is actually getting in 381 00:16:04,920 --> 00:16:07,140 there and starting to workout. So what you gotta do, 382 00:16:07,140 --> 00:16:10,360 put on your sneakers, put on your fuckin' workout clothes. 383 00:16:10,360 --> 00:16:12,232 Don't think about it, man. 384 00:16:12,232 --> 00:16:14,234 Don't think about working out until you get there and just 385 00:16:14,234 --> 00:16:16,105 do it. 'Cause it's the whole thing about, 386 00:16:16,105 --> 00:16:17,977 Holy fuck I'm tired, 387 00:16:17,977 --> 00:16:19,282 and I don't want to do this, and you flick the TV on. 388 00:16:19,282 --> 00:16:21,545 Fuck that. Don't think about it. 389 00:16:21,545 --> 00:16:24,331 Get your shit on, get into the gym. 390 00:16:24,331 --> 00:16:27,203 Fuckin' curl potatoes or whatever the fuck you want to do. 391 00:16:28,639 --> 00:16:30,163 All right, Jess, 392 00:16:30,163 --> 00:16:31,903 I know that you were one of Sunnyvale's leading 393 00:16:31,903 --> 00:16:33,427 real estate experts. 394 00:16:33,427 --> 00:16:34,341 Am I? 395 00:16:35,429 --> 00:16:37,213 I don't really think I am. 396 00:16:37,213 --> 00:16:39,302 I'm a real estate agent in North Georgia, USA. 397 00:16:39,302 --> 00:16:41,217 And for some reason, 398 00:16:41,217 --> 00:16:43,002 not all my clients have an appreciation for trailers. 399 00:16:43,002 --> 00:16:45,526 Can you please inform them about some of the advantages of 400 00:16:45,526 --> 00:16:47,093 owning a trailer? Thank you. 401 00:16:47,093 --> 00:16:50,183 Like, why the fuck would you want a big-ass house 402 00:16:50,183 --> 00:16:52,881 with all kinds of mortgage payments and bills 403 00:16:52,881 --> 00:16:54,883 and electric bills and all that shit 404 00:16:54,883 --> 00:16:58,147 and fucked up neighbors beside you that are just fucked 405 00:16:58,147 --> 00:17:00,062 And they're thinking about, you know, 406 00:17:00,062 --> 00:17:01,977 they're stressed out because they're trying to make their 407 00:17:01,977 --> 00:17:04,197 mortgage payments and all that stuff. Trailers are awesome. 408 00:17:04,197 --> 00:17:08,331 All you need is a trailer, a shed to put all your shit in. 409 00:17:08,331 --> 00:17:11,682 You know, lot fees are 150 bucks a month. 410 00:17:11,682 --> 00:17:13,467 You can get a trailer, a nice one. 411 00:17:13,467 --> 00:17:16,035 Really nice one for about 40 grand. All right? 412 00:17:16,035 --> 00:17:19,951 That's the way to do it. No stress living in a trailer. 413 00:17:22,302 --> 00:17:25,696 You were so close to retiring. Goddamnit! 414 00:17:25,696 --> 00:17:28,656 Well, the truth is, I did retire. 415 00:17:28,656 --> 00:17:30,745 I retired from not drinking. 416 00:17:30,745 --> 00:17:33,487 Hey, and you know what? 417 00:17:33,487 --> 00:17:34,575 It feels fuckin' good. 418 00:17:35,837 --> 00:17:38,927 The liquor feels like, 419 00:17:38,927 --> 00:17:41,712 like a familiar pair of slippers that you put on, 420 00:17:41,712 --> 00:17:43,845 sit in front of the fire. 421 00:17:43,845 --> 00:17:48,850 The liquor feels like a child's arms around your neck with 422 00:17:50,591 --> 00:17:54,160 nothing to give but love. The liquor feels like, 423 00:17:54,160 --> 00:17:58,338 it feels like, oh, you know what, Leslie, 424 00:17:58,338 --> 00:18:03,343 I don't think your services are required around Sunnyvale 425 00:18:04,257 --> 00:18:05,736 anymore. 426 00:18:05,736 --> 00:18:07,086 Pardon me? 427 00:18:08,522 --> 00:18:11,002 I'm gonna have to let you go bud. 428 00:18:12,830 --> 00:18:14,397 - You're fired. Leslie. 429 00:18:15,442 --> 00:18:17,139 Frig off. 430 00:18:21,187 --> 00:18:25,104 Mm... You think you can fire me in the middle of a War? 431 00:18:25,104 --> 00:18:29,760 A war? Hehe, this is just a regular day in Sunnyvale, bud. 432 00:18:29,760 --> 00:18:30,587 Cheers! 433 00:18:32,067 --> 00:18:33,938 The mission is not accomplished. 434 00:18:33,938 --> 00:18:37,116 And I have no intention of going anywhere, soldier. 435 00:18:37,116 --> 00:18:41,250 A colonel never leaves his post. 436 00:18:41,250 --> 00:18:43,339 - You're not a frigging colonel. 437 00:18:43,339 --> 00:18:46,908 I found your military ID that says you're only a private. 438 00:18:46,908 --> 00:18:49,998 - Wait a minute, you're private? 439 00:18:49,998 --> 00:18:54,002 Don't. You. Fucking. Say it. 440 00:18:57,223 --> 00:18:59,834 Shut. Your. Goddamn. Mouth. 441 00:19:01,140 --> 00:19:03,794 Shut your mouth, Handy. 442 00:19:03,794 --> 00:19:07,711 The goddamn booze did this. 443 00:19:07,711 --> 00:19:10,584 It needs to be destroyed. 444 00:19:10,584 --> 00:19:11,802 Pick it up. 445 00:19:11,802 --> 00:19:13,064 Pick it up now. 446 00:19:15,328 --> 00:19:17,330 Hop to, fat boy, Hop to. 447 00:19:19,027 --> 00:19:20,028 Me too? 448 00:19:20,028 --> 00:19:21,072 - You too, ya fuckhole. 449 00:19:41,049 --> 00:19:41,876 Let's go 450 00:19:42,964 --> 00:19:43,791 Fuck off 451 00:19:44,618 --> 00:19:45,445 Incoming! 452 00:19:45,445 --> 00:19:46,272 - Pull! 453 00:19:52,756 --> 00:19:55,759 Sweet potatoes, what is happening? 454 00:19:57,718 --> 00:19:59,459 Run for your lives! 455 00:20:03,114 --> 00:20:04,246 - Holy fuck this thing's awesome 456 00:20:04,246 --> 00:20:06,161 what'd you say it's called? 457 00:20:06,161 --> 00:20:08,424 It's called a catapult, dude. It's Roman. Load! 458 00:20:09,295 --> 00:20:11,210 Pull! 459 00:20:11,210 --> 00:20:12,820 You're supposed to be protecting this park! 460 00:20:12,820 --> 00:20:16,084 Oh Mr.Pincock, I'm so sorry this has never- 461 00:20:23,091 --> 00:20:25,311 - Julian thought it'd be a good idea to put Ricky 462 00:20:25,311 --> 00:20:27,138 in charge of fucking up the appraisal of the park. 463 00:20:27,138 --> 00:20:29,402 And that was a terrible idea. 464 00:20:29,402 --> 00:20:31,404 'Cause when you tell Ricky he can do whatever he wants, 465 00:20:31,404 --> 00:20:34,189 his brain immediately goes to piss. 466 00:20:34,189 --> 00:20:37,540 And next thing you know, the fuckin' skies raining down 467 00:20:37,540 --> 00:20:40,500 with piss jugs, and Ricky doesn't hold back. 468 00:20:40,500 --> 00:20:44,243 He goes right to piss jug alley and gets the gnarliest old 469 00:20:44,243 --> 00:20:46,201 pisses he can find. Look at that. 470 00:20:46,201 --> 00:20:49,204 That's a dehydrated piss, probably 20 years old. 471 00:20:49,204 --> 00:20:51,598 Unbelievable. 472 00:20:52,990 --> 00:20:55,254 Okay, These little cock suckers. 473 00:20:55,254 --> 00:20:57,386 I love them. One of my favorite things on earth. 474 00:20:58,257 --> 00:20:59,214 A hummingbird. 475 00:21:00,128 --> 00:21:02,696 Yeah. What about it? 476 00:21:02,696 --> 00:21:04,524 Never would've guessed that, Ricky. 477 00:21:04,524 --> 00:21:07,004 One of your favorite things on earth is a hummingbird. 478 00:21:07,004 --> 00:21:08,919 - Yes. They're so cool. 479 00:21:09,833 --> 00:21:11,052 They are. I agree. 480 00:21:11,052 --> 00:21:12,967 Yeah, I can go. 481 00:21:12,967 --> 00:21:14,142 I'm just surprised that you even know what one is. 482 00:21:14,142 --> 00:21:15,665 Well, I bonded with one. 483 00:21:15,665 --> 00:21:17,188 He got trapped to my trailer and he was 484 00:21:17,188 --> 00:21:19,016 fuckin' flying around, he was panicking. 485 00:21:19,016 --> 00:21:20,540 He looked like he was gonna die, and I was trying to get him 486 00:21:20,540 --> 00:21:22,324 to land on shit some and he wouldn't. 487 00:21:22,324 --> 00:21:23,847 And finally just put my finger up and little cocksucker 488 00:21:23,847 --> 00:21:25,588 landed right into my finger and chilled out. 489 00:21:25,588 --> 00:21:28,461 And I brought him right outside. And then he flew away. 490 00:21:28,461 --> 00:21:30,767 And sometimes he comes back to visit me. 491 00:21:30,767 --> 00:21:32,682 Probably because he absorbed like THC and- 492 00:21:32,682 --> 00:21:34,728 - He'll fly by and just hover there for a second. He's like. 493 00:21:34,728 --> 00:21:36,295 Yeah, probably. 494 00:21:36,295 --> 00:21:37,165 Hey bud! Thanks for saving my life. 495 00:21:39,080 --> 00:21:40,342 - He had it all over his fingers and he, and he probably 496 00:21:40,342 --> 00:21:42,257 absorbed or something. 497 00:21:42,257 --> 00:21:44,433 Probably absorbed THC by by osmosis through his feet skin. 498 00:21:44,433 --> 00:21:48,176 They flap their wings up to 200 times a second. 499 00:21:48,176 --> 00:21:49,003 That's a lot, man. 500 00:21:49,003 --> 00:21:50,396 A second? 501 00:21:50,396 --> 00:21:52,572 That's a lot. That's quick. 502 00:21:52,572 --> 00:21:53,486 A second? 503 00:21:53,486 --> 00:21:55,009 - That's a lot. 504 00:21:55,009 --> 00:21:56,402 Holy fuck. 505 00:21:56,402 --> 00:21:58,186 - That's akin a machine. Yeah, a machine. 506 00:21:58,186 --> 00:22:00,014 You could build a machine that could go BZZ. 507 00:22:00,014 --> 00:22:02,321 If you could, you could build yourself a hummingbird. 508 00:22:02,321 --> 00:22:06,281 - They'll come out with them. - Remote control hummingbirds, 509 00:22:06,281 --> 00:22:07,108 I guarantee. 510 00:22:07,108 --> 00:22:08,109 Not that-no 511 00:22:08,109 --> 00:22:09,110 It wouldn't be easy. 512 00:22:09,110 --> 00:22:10,198 - You couldn't build one 513 00:22:10,198 --> 00:22:12,200 - But you could. 514 00:22:12,200 --> 00:22:13,767 You couldn't because the machinery it would take to run the 515 00:22:13,767 --> 00:22:16,465 fuckin' thing is heavier than a hummingbird. 516 00:22:16,465 --> 00:22:18,337 This, not these days, buddy. 517 00:22:18,337 --> 00:22:22,645 It takes so much energy that they need to eat up to eight 518 00:22:22,645 --> 00:22:27,433 times their body W-E-I-G-H-T, weight... 519 00:22:27,433 --> 00:22:29,348 - In order to have enough power- 520 00:22:29,348 --> 00:22:32,481 - In food every day. Holy fuck, That's a lot of food. 521 00:22:32,481 --> 00:22:35,484 - In order to have enough power to run a gear that's gonna 522 00:22:35,484 --> 00:22:39,140 beat 200 times a second, the battery would weigh more 523 00:22:39,140 --> 00:22:40,489 than the fuckng hummingbird. 524 00:22:40,489 --> 00:22:41,360 Nuclear. 525 00:22:41,360 --> 00:22:42,404 Scientific. 526 00:22:42,404 --> 00:22:44,319 - Nuclear Powerú 527 00:22:44,319 --> 00:22:46,147 They're gonna get nuclear power into what a fuckin'- 528 00:22:46,147 --> 00:22:47,670 - They're gonna come up with it, man. I'm telling ya. 529 00:22:47,670 --> 00:22:49,498 I'm saying right now you couldn't do it, 530 00:22:49,498 --> 00:22:53,546 maybe in the future with, you know, hyper drives, maybe. 531 00:22:53,546 --> 00:22:56,505 Exactly. That's what I'm talking about. 532 00:22:56,505 --> 00:22:58,855 Their eggs are as small as peas. 533 00:23:00,596 --> 00:23:02,206 There's a business, there's a fuckin' business. 534 00:23:02,206 --> 00:23:04,252 - What? 535 00:23:04,252 --> 00:23:05,166 - Pet Hummingbirds and you collect their eggs and sell them. 536 00:23:05,166 --> 00:23:06,994 Specialty eggs. 537 00:23:06,994 --> 00:23:09,039 Scrambled eggs. I'm gonna have scrambled eggs. 538 00:23:09,039 --> 00:23:10,737 Honey, how many hummingbird eggs you want? 539 00:23:10,737 --> 00:23:11,955 600. 540 00:23:11,955 --> 00:23:13,870 Wonder how much you could, 541 00:23:13,870 --> 00:23:15,916 how much would you sell a hummingbird for? You got, 542 00:23:16,830 --> 00:23:18,397 As a pet? 543 00:23:18,397 --> 00:23:19,920 Okay, I'm shutting this down right now. 544 00:23:19,920 --> 00:23:21,748 I would pay, I would pay 50 bucks. 545 00:23:21,748 --> 00:23:23,532 For a hummingbird. I am shutting this down right now. 546 00:23:23,532 --> 00:23:25,055 You're not gonna start chasing hummingbirds around. 547 00:23:25,055 --> 00:23:26,535 - Okay. 548 00:23:26,535 --> 00:23:28,407 - Say goodbye. We'll see everybody next week. 549 00:23:28,407 --> 00:23:31,018 They can fly-the only bird that can fly backwards. 550 00:23:31,018 --> 00:23:32,498 - Alright lets go. - Let's go collect some. 551 00:23:32,498 --> 00:23:34,413 I knew that, they fly in reverse. 552 00:23:34,413 --> 00:23:37,241 Their feet are so tiny they can't walk on the ground. Wow. 553 00:23:37,241 --> 00:23:39,243 Favorite animal on earth. 554 00:23:39,243 --> 00:23:40,419 Hummingbirds 555 00:23:40,419 --> 00:23:42,725 Cheers to you motherfuckers.